Thursday, March 1, 2012

Letting Go Of Our Illusion of Control

The other day I was going through things in my head, I talk to myself and the dogs a lot. If people knew how much I talk to myself, you would probably think I am crazy, well...
I figure many things in my life out when I talk it through. I find talking to myself or the dogs and going over and over things, I begin to work out issues. Or, I come to a better understanding of something or have one of those, Ah Hah moments. This is what I am doing that is causing these issues or if I change this, things will be better. Most of the time good things do come of this crazy self talk.

The Illusion of Control was the light bulb for me. I was thinking, I am not a terribly controlling person, I am sure many would beg to differ on that one. Usually the thing we think we do not have, is exactly what we have. My control is not so much of having to control things I can not control, the weather, other people, situations that happen, but myself, my fears. I realized I was holding myself from achieving great things due to my control.

What about you? Do you think you are a controlling person?
Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
What are your greatest fears? Do I allow myself to not do what I want because of my fears?
What do you not like about yourself?
I am not.... Good enough, strong enough, beautiful enough...
If anyone knew "this" about me, they would not like me, think I am crazy, whatever your's is, so I will not allow anyone to know this about me. I will potentially hide the true me because of this.
I am sure if you take some time to reflect on your control issues, you can come up with more or other questions for yourself.

Most of the time, these are our fears and what we are negative with about ourselves, our I am not statements.

Once you have come face to face with your control issues, here are some other questions to ponder:
What is the fear, the bad thing that will happen if I let go of this control. The world is going to end! I am sure it will not.
If I let go of this fear, control, negativity about myself, if I get out of my own way, what is the good that will come?
Does the good out weighing the negative?
What will my life look like without this dark cloud  looming over my head?
Am I willing to work on this issue(s)?

If you are willing to work on your issues are a few ideas I have trying!
Write new mantras, I am good enough. I am smart enough. I can do whatever it is I am doing.
Repeat these to yourself while looking at yourself in the mirror. Throughout the day repeat these knew mantras to yourself. When those deep dark clouds begin to come, right away begin repeating your good positive mantras to yourself. Learn to recognize your triggers and try to avoid them or make something positive out of them instead. Talk with someone about your controls, this does not have to be a professional, it can be a friend who will help to support you on your journey. Find what will work for you and go for it!

Learn to forgive yourself. If we ask God to forgive us, He will. Learn to forgive yourself. When you falter and fall down, pick yourself back up, ask for forgiveness from others, God and yourself. Try again. Get back on that trail, keeping pushing and trying. If we can not forgive ourselves how are we suppose to go on?

Learn to love yourself, this can only happen if we forgive ourselves. Loving yourself does not mean being prideful or arrogant, stuck on yourself. Loving ourselves is being able to be honest with ourselves, forgive ourselves and be able to tell ourselves what we need to change. It is also being true to the Gifts God has blessed us with. Being able to see we are destroying ourselves, standing in our own way and we need to make BIG changes. Loving ourselves is being able to love the you God created. The person everyone else loves and sees.


Telling someone about your control issue can be very liberating. It is out in the open and can no longer have a hold over you. Our demons of control do not like to be in the open, they like to remain hidden and in the dark corner and recesses of our minds and hearts. Once they are out, a large portion of their power no longer has a hold over us. Once we take this step of letting the demon our of the box, we begin to heal and become our true self.

I think this is enough from me. Take time to come up with your own strategies that will work for you to change your life and be free from the illusion of control.
Saving the world one stick of butter at a time!
God bless,
Jenn












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